Its been 3 months since my arrival to the capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta.. 3 months may not seem like quite a long time but for me its been like forever.. That doesn’t mean I hate Jakarta, contrary I actually like living in Jakarta.. I envy its lively condition that other city in Indonesia didn’t have.. except for the traffic that I really discontent, other than that its fine.. but for me its been quite hard because I stayed in Jakarta for preparation for my study in French and not to work.. the living cost in Jakarta is very expensive not mentioning the cost for my French course.. I feel like I becoming a burden to my parents, in the age that I’m supposedly already independence.. And I hate myself for that..
Other things that makes me stress is the more I stayed in Jakarta the more I’m scared because I realize that to be accepted in French is really difficult.. I’m afraid after I spend a lot of my times and my parents money and in the long run I failed.. I know how much money that my parents spent for me, whether in Jakarta or for my study in French later on.. so its even make me feel more pressured to be success.. however instead feeling motivated, I become more terrified.. So lately this has become my biggest anxiety and the more I think about it the more stress I become, so I decided to give up on going to French..
It seems my mom know something had happened because recently every time she called me, she always asking me is there anything wrong or what’s going on or if you have problem don’t keep it on your own (I guess this called mom’s intuition), and she ask me all of those question within 1 call and not only one time but several times.. The last time she called me, she even said just do your best, if you didn’t accepted in French you can always take your master degree here.. Gosh I just can feel her love.. But somehow I just can’t said to her that I want to give up.. I don’t know why I can’t said it.. maybe because French has been my dream since forever or maybe I know if I give up I will hate myself more than right now..
A few days ago, I found out something that really struck me.. My dad said to his friend that he actually regret he didn’t nurtured me well but in the end I become a son that never disappointed him.. he also said that as a son, I rarely ask something and never troubled him and since he know that French is my dream so even though it will cost a lot of money, he’ll do his best to support my dream because its like the first time he can offer his help as a father.. Gosh when I heard that I cried, even until now when I write this I want to cry.. I never thought that my dad have such a deep feeling towards me and he saw me as a son that never troubled him while in fact I’m so dependent on my parents until now and never look myself as a good son..
Knowing that just encouraged me to go on and see what the end of the road will be.. I always know that I have a good parents and felt lucky to be born in this family but that was the very first time I felt truly blessed to be born into two incredible people.. In the same day, I found two amazing quote.. The first one is said by Simon Oates: Because giving up shouldn’t be an option, which inspire me to use it as the title of this blog.. the other by Randy Pausch saying that the great wall is there for a reason: they let us show how badly we want it and to separate us from people who really didn’t want it.. yup every problem that I’ve been through is my great wall to accomplish the goal that I already set up..
Personally for me I know that if I give up today it seems like its a good decision, not wanting to become a burden for my parents or the stress and many other thing.. but maybe for the first time I start to think about the future, I know if I give up today, 1 years from now I’ll regret the decision that I give up today.. I will think all I need to do is just give one more push and wandering is it possible to go to French.. so now that’s what I need to do.. just give one more push so in the future I didn’t need to wondering any more.. Even if I didn’t accepted in French, at least I give my best shot.. so yeah giving up shouldn’t be an option..
Other things that makes me stress is the more I stayed in Jakarta the more I’m scared because I realize that to be accepted in French is really difficult.. I’m afraid after I spend a lot of my times and my parents money and in the long run I failed.. I know how much money that my parents spent for me, whether in Jakarta or for my study in French later on.. so its even make me feel more pressured to be success.. however instead feeling motivated, I become more terrified.. So lately this has become my biggest anxiety and the more I think about it the more stress I become, so I decided to give up on going to French..
It seems my mom know something had happened because recently every time she called me, she always asking me is there anything wrong or what’s going on or if you have problem don’t keep it on your own (I guess this called mom’s intuition), and she ask me all of those question within 1 call and not only one time but several times.. The last time she called me, she even said just do your best, if you didn’t accepted in French you can always take your master degree here.. Gosh I just can feel her love.. But somehow I just can’t said to her that I want to give up.. I don’t know why I can’t said it.. maybe because French has been my dream since forever or maybe I know if I give up I will hate myself more than right now..
A few days ago, I found out something that really struck me.. My dad said to his friend that he actually regret he didn’t nurtured me well but in the end I become a son that never disappointed him.. he also said that as a son, I rarely ask something and never troubled him and since he know that French is my dream so even though it will cost a lot of money, he’ll do his best to support my dream because its like the first time he can offer his help as a father.. Gosh when I heard that I cried, even until now when I write this I want to cry.. I never thought that my dad have such a deep feeling towards me and he saw me as a son that never troubled him while in fact I’m so dependent on my parents until now and never look myself as a good son..
Knowing that just encouraged me to go on and see what the end of the road will be.. I always know that I have a good parents and felt lucky to be born in this family but that was the very first time I felt truly blessed to be born into two incredible people.. In the same day, I found two amazing quote.. The first one is said by Simon Oates: Because giving up shouldn’t be an option, which inspire me to use it as the title of this blog.. the other by Randy Pausch saying that the great wall is there for a reason: they let us show how badly we want it and to separate us from people who really didn’t want it.. yup every problem that I’ve been through is my great wall to accomplish the goal that I already set up..
Personally for me I know that if I give up today it seems like its a good decision, not wanting to become a burden for my parents or the stress and many other thing.. but maybe for the first time I start to think about the future, I know if I give up today, 1 years from now I’ll regret the decision that I give up today.. I will think all I need to do is just give one more push and wandering is it possible to go to French.. so now that’s what I need to do.. just give one more push so in the future I didn’t need to wondering any more.. Even if I didn’t accepted in French, at least I give my best shot.. so yeah giving up shouldn’t be an option..
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