Our Value

A popular speaker started off his lecture by holding up a $20 bill. In the room teeming with people, he asked. "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you - but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. "Now who wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he continued, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the floor and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by...Who We Are.

by: MayAnne, online

My kind of girl

1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
• no need but a good looking girl is a plus point for me..

2. Smart?
• absolutely! i adore girl with brain..

3. Preferred age?
• 2-3 years younger or older is fine with me..

4. Preferred height?
• shorter than me.. though if she's a bit taller is fine also.. i don't really mind with physical appearances..

5. How about sense of humor?
• hell yeah! she's got to be fun to live with..

6. How about piercings?
• hm i wouldn't mind.. i like piercing myself..

7. Accepts you for who you are?
• of course!

8. Pink hair?
• hm i really don't want to interfere with her physical appearances coz it's reflecting her self express rite? if she can accept me for who i am, than i'll accept her for who she is..

9. Mushy or no?
• nope.. i need the cheer up kind a girl

10. Thin or fat?
• no fat please.. so i accept the thin one..

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
• Korean white is my type kind a girl he5..

12. Long hair or short hair?
• i prefer the long hair but then again see my answer in no 8

13. Plastic or metal?
• hm...???? metal i guess since plastic had something to do with global warming rite?

14. Smells good?
• of course..

15. Smoker?
• i like smart girl who know that there are already so many diseases in this world so she didn't have to burn money just to kill herself faster!

16. Drinker?
• socially drinkers fine.. i don't need an alcoholic..

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
• yeah sure.. i like the down to earth kind a girl..

18. Muscular?
• nope.. but i like the idea she's working out, just don't overdo..

19. Plays piano?
• i'll melt.. i love girl with taste for music..

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
• see number 19

21. Plays violin?
• see number 19

22. Sings very good?
• i'll melt even more.. everytime she need to ask for something she just need to sing and i'll give her anything she ask for lol

23. Vain?
• nope.. again i like the down earth kind a girl..

24. With glasses?
• i have glasses so its fine..

25. With braces?
• hm it'll make kissing more difficult but she won't wear braces her whole life rite? so yeah i'll wait babe!

26. Shy type?
• at first ok, i want to be the aggressive one.. but as time goes i'm going to need some reactions..

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
• i prefer the rebel looking girl in outside with a good girl personality inside..

28. Active or passive?
• hm both.. there are time to be active n passive..

29. Tight or bomb?
• ketat n bom?

30. Singer or dancer?
• definitely singer.. as i said i'll melt everytime she sings..

31. Stunner?
• hell yeah! i'll make all my guy friends jealous of me hakakkakakak

32. Hiphop?
• hm sure, why not..

33. Earrings?
• no problem..

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
• don't like girl with complicated past..

35. Dimples?
• then i'll melt again everytime i see her smile..

36. Bookworm?
• sure, i'm a bookworm myself.. as i said i adore smart girl..

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
• hm do they still do it? i'm not really a good writer but every once in a while i think its fun..

38. Playful?
• yup..

39. Flirt?
• hm as long as she knows how to draw the line.. i'm not the jealous kind a boyfriend but i don't like the idea my girlfriend fooling around..

40. Poem writer?
• well i won't refuse a girl just because she's a poem writer.. so i guess its fine, though i'm not really enthusiastic as well

41. Serious?
• sure.. we need to be serious sometime..

42. Campus crush?
• hm sure why not.. i can show her off in my campus he5..

43. Painter?
• sure why not.. i love girl with art sense

44. Religious?
• yup! i meed girl from the same religious background with me..

45. Someone who likes to tease people?
• as long as she knows the line between fun teasing and tease that bother..

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
• i already an internet freak so i can't imagine having relationship with another computer freak.. we chat instead talking in the phone, we webcaming instead meeting somewhere, we watch movie in youtube instead go to movie cinema.. yeah i can't imagine it..

47. Speaks 20 languages?
• i'll be amazed.. as i said i adore smart girl..

48. Loyal or faithful?
• both.. its the basic of a relationship with honesty..

49. good kisser
• yeah hakakakak..

50. loves children??
• yeah though i don't want her to love our children more than she love me.. when they grow up, they're gone and we left alone.. so i need her to now the i will always be her number 1 priority as she will be for me..

25 things about me

1. 2 countries i wish on living are French and South Korea, though i didn't wish to be born in South Korea because of its issues with North Korea..

2. Though openly said that i didn't like living in Indonesia, there are many things i secretly admire about Indonesia, such as Borobudur, Komodo, Bali, Lombok, its culture, its cuisine (which i believe is the best in the world), the people, the diversity etc..

3. Proud to be a chinese descendant, of its culture, of its long history and of its contribution that shaped the world's history.. We're the biggest race in the world..

4. Ashamed on the fact that even i was born as a chinese descendant, i can't speak mandarin.. i blame Soeharto New Regime for banned the Chinese culture for 32 years..

5. I never really liked football until i dated my first ex.. She loves football so much that makes me interest on watching it too..

6. Loves reading and writing though the hardest part for me is always to start it.. But once it did it, i can't stop until the end..

7. I'm easily feel insecure and doubt myself.. Till today i don't know what i want to do for the future or what i'm hoping for i become in the future..

8. Believe in Jesus and proud in saying it..

9. Hate the smells of parfum.. i can't stand the smell..

10. F.R.I.E.N.D.S is the best tv series ever made! i still watch it n still missing it so much..

11. I'm a moody person.. what i do, what i say or what i feel is influenced a lot by my mood.. its crazy, i know and i try to change it just don't know how to do it..

12. One of the dreams i had is touring the world backpacking.. Though my dad say its wasting time, but i still want to do it..

13. Can't stand chili.. People say that man is measured by how much they can stand chili.. I reject that and believe its the most ridiculous things i ever heard..

14. When i'm in stress i thought about suicide a lot, though i never had the courage to do it.. Or as some people might say it, i'm not coward enough to do it.. i don't know which reason though..

15. I had a crush on a girl 3 years younger than me and already like her for the past 3 years, though i never had the courage to say or even show it..

16. I believe on the Love at the First Sight.. for me first impression matters and it goes for love and friends..

17. Though i'm allergic to milk, i love ice cream.. its a sacrifice i'm willing to endure..

18. Believe what it says that 1000 friends is not enough yet 1 enemy is too much..

19. My favorite card games is capsa.. i can play it all the time.. I think my record goes for 6-7 hours in Pizza Hut Jemursari with Charly and Sun2..

20. If i had the money i want to do plastic surgery.. i don't like on how i look and the first thing i would change is my nose..

21. I already live in the best town in Indonesia.. Won't move in to other town as long as its in Indonesia.. i want to move in to Paris or Seoul though..

22. I wish to spend my retirement in Bali with the person i love and we can watch sunset in beach everyday while holding hand and still sees the spark of love in her eyes..

23. Wish that i can be a vegetarian one day.. its really hard to stop eating those chicken, cow and specially pig..

24. The biggest mistake i've ever done was not to study hard enough in college.. but the again, as i recalled, i never work hard enough on everything..

25. just realized that i don't really know myself coz its really hard to found 25 things about me..

Eight Months in Jakarta and What I’ve Learned

Within a few hours, I’m going to leave this capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta, and heading back to Surabaya, my hometown.. Although I didn’t really enjoy staying in Jakarta, suddenly I felt sad when I realize this is my last day in Jakarta.. I felt a lot of bitter sweet things in Jakarta and within 8 months in here has taught me and grown me up to become more like a man, so somehow there is a bit of me who didn’t want to lose that process of growing up in Jakarta.. Of course I know that growing up is a process that never stop, its just I felt that in Surabaya my growing up process wont be as quickly as I would be in Jakarta, specially when I will be living with my parents again..

I share some of my feelings with my friends from CCF when we’re having the farewell party since this is our last day in CCF.. She said she wants to be independence after she finished her study in university, by that time she expect she leave her home and start her new own life without any dependence from her parents again.. I said to her when I was her age, I had the same things in my mind, I want to leave my hometown and heading to Jakarta, where working opportunity is so much bigger and I can learn how to live independence, but after really experiencing it on my own its not really that ‘great’ living alone, don’t really know why but maybe because its just not the culture in our country, that’s not the way we’ve been raised.. I mean in Asia, specially in Indonesia it’s almost normal for people to live with their family until the they got married..

Today I had a great day hanging out with them maybe that’s the reason why I suddenly got the feeling blue about leaving Jakarta.. Before I came to Jakarta, a lot of person had warn me about making friends in Jakarta and told me to be really picky because they’re much more materialist and more individualist, but even from the very first day in CCF they greeted me so warmly and we continue to be friends until now.. Each of them has unique character that makes them special for me and I’ll never forget our friendship.. All of my teacher in CCF that kindly help with my French, some of them even become friends with me especially for Madame Louisette whom I learned a lot, not just about French but about life as well.. But the best thing I learned from CCF aside from French language itself is the group of the people I saw every Friday morning.. There is a group of student in conversation class, I didn’t know them personally, but what really astonish me is their age.. All of them are what we consider elderly, maybe around 60-70 years old yet they have the determination or the spirit to continue to learn French.. There is this one lady who can’t walk well, she had to walk using a rod and had her maid carrying her books to the class.. Every time I saw them I amaze on how big their willingness to always learning even though they had the right not to.. Most of them speak more than two foreign language however they never stop to learn.. I imagine if I’m in their age would I do the same and continue to develop myself? I guess I rather stayed home and playing with my grandchildren.. I didn’t know who said this, I think its Gandhi, he said ‘Live like there is no tomorrow and learn like you’re going to live forever.’ Seeing them makes me ashamed on myself whenever I felt lazy to study..

On the way back to my boarding house, I’m thinking about why i came to Jakarta at the first place.. I try to remember the eagerness that day when I decided to come to Jakarta, the possibility on what I might get in Jakarta, and what had happened all this time in Jakarta that makes me didn’t like living here.. I hate living here so much that I even try to stop some of my friends who willing to work in Jakarta.. When I think about all of that, I wonder do I regretting ever come to Jakarta? The answer come as quickly as that question pop up in my head and the answer will be no.. I don’t regret I came to Jakarta, no matter hard it was because it allows me to become the person I am today and in the process helps me to find who I am and what I want to do for the next phase in my life.. I make many new friends in Jakarta and met many people who for 8 months I stayed here has helped, nurtured me and stood in the gap for me.. I change a lot and Jakarta taught me well.. The man who is going back to Surabaya tomorrow is no longer the same boy who leave from Surabaya 8 months ago.. But the question didn’t stop in there, had I know all of the things I’m going to learn before coming to Jakarta, would I go to Jakarta anyway? I didn’t know the answer for that but I know there is no way I would know unless I came to Jakarta myself.. I mean I know I wouldn’t meet my friends if I didn’t come to Jakarta but sometimes the hardness is just too hard to endure.. But maybe its right what didn’t killed you only makes you stronger and I can’t change the past, so I make the decision to come to Jakarta and I learned a lot..

Who Am I?

I was born on the 1st September 1986 morning in Surabaya, the first of the three siblings.. My father gave me the name Rendy from his favorite singer Randy Crawford, maybe he want me to captured some of her talents in music, well I obviously didn’t have any of her talents.. I enjoyed listening to all genre of music though, from jazz to pop, from rock to hip hop, and sometimes dangdut also.. I like Mandarin songs too, and one time when I listening to a mandarin song, a friend asked me whether I can understand the lyric of the song, I said to her, “nope but music is a universal language so I don’t need to understand the lyrics to enjoy listening to it.” I like to watch movie too, I enjoyed all type of film except horrors, not because I’m too scared (I didn’t believe in ghost or any form of that kind), I just don’t like being surprised all the time, with people screaming all the time around me.. My biggest pleasure however is reading books.. I can spend countless hours, without eating and sleep and forget about the rest of the world, with just one good book.. When it comes to a good book, I understand no such thing as ‘too expensive too buy’.. I admire many people who can write such things and presented it in a way that just astonish me.. I enjoy sport in certain degree, like swimming and hiking in the mountain.. I used to join a swim club and a hiking club.. I like to watch football too, although unfortunately I have no talent to play it.. My favorite club is Arsenal and AS Roma and hoping one day I have the opportunity to watch with my own eyes.. I have a great respect in language and hoping to master many foreign language, like Mandarin, Korea and Spain.. For now I can speak well in English and French, in addition to Indonesia my maternal language and Javanese my region language..
I have hard times on defining my character.. This is some of the character that I believe I have in mine.. I like solitude and I enjoy being alone, that doesn’t mean I don’t like spending my times with people but when I’m alone I can be myself.. I don’t need to please anybody and I can do whatever I like to do without worrying other people’s opinion.. Yet I understand the importance maintaining relations with people and I enjoy hanging out with people that I’m already comfortable with, people who I know can received me for who I am.. People’s first opinion about me is that I’m very quiet, I do, especially in the environment that I’m not comfortable with.. The real reason is actually because I’m very shy, I’m not used to start making conversation with people I barely knew, but if you can be friendly at the first place, I’ll treasure you as my friends.. My ex used to say that I’m indifferent in relationship, that’s true, as I stated above I like being alone so there’s a time when I don’t like being disturbed, that doesn’t mean I don’t care anymore because I do, I’m just not really good in expressing what I feel and honestly I don’t like expressing what I felt.. I like to keep something on my own.. When I like on doing something, I’ll try my best to make it as perfect as possible, I have the perfectionist side on me, but if the things is something that I don’t like to do I can be very ignorant to it.. I’m easily change mood, sometimes I surprise people by getting angry just because of a small comment they made of me.. I’ll treasure my family and my friends above anything but God.. I do believe Eleanor Roosevelt’s words: he who loses money loses much, he who loses a friend loses much more, but he who loses faith loses all..
What I don’t like is people break their promise or their commitment.. I’ll forgive you but its hard for me to believe in you again.. You can say I’m someone who forgive but hardly forget.. I hate to wait or doing nothing useless.. I despise people who lied and got caught of lying.. I mean come on if you dare to lie in my face, the least you can do is to keep your story straight, I’m not that stupid.. I don’t like to meddling into other people’s affaires so if you don’t want me to know, you can just said directly to me.. I’ll respect people who can speak directly but in the kind of rude way.. If you have a problem with its better to say it to me, rather than saying to other people who might didn’t have anything to with it and I believe it solves problem much faster.. If its my mistake, I can say I’m sorry, I’m not someone who just won’t admit if they wrong..
In the world where lie, treachery, cowardice, cruelty etc is consider common practice in our world, there always a person that stand firm to their integrity and the value they believe for and those are the person I admired, like Mother Theresa, Wilma Rudolph, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr, Marie Curie, Nelson Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi, Oseola McCarty, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and from Indonesia Muhammad Hatta, and many more.. This are some of the exceptional persons that use their life to make the world become a better place and they gain more in doing what they believe, more than just a public recognition.. I enjoyed reading their story to enrich myself with the merit they have.. I believe character is destiny.. Their character allows them to reach their positions in human history..
What I scared the most is about the future.. As I stated above, I don’t like surprises and with the unpredictable future, its so scary for me to think about the future, knowing that all of what I already planning may turn out into a disaster.. I’m also scared that I didn’t put enough effort to really discover my potential and maximize it, to do what God intended to me.. Thinking about those two things can drive me crazy, but I learn to hope for the best and have faith.. I know I have God, He who created me, must give some purpose on what my life should be.. I have some regret, my biggest regret is not using my time well.. I’m not studying hard enough in university, I spent most of my time playing around or if not I’m daydreaming that one day all of this is going to get better.. I know I need to push my self harder..
My biggest aspiration is I can leave something memorable to this world and the world become a better place because of me.. I didn’t know how to do it yet, all I can think is to write a book as a part of my legacy because I believe book can resist against the time like what Francis Beacon write in his book, the Advancement of Learning: “We see then how far the monuments of wit and learning are more durable than the monuments of power or of the hands. For have not the verses of Homer continued twenty-five hundred years or more, without the loss of a syllable or letter; during which time infinite palaces, castles, cities have been decayed and demolished.”
And most notably I’m hoping that throughout of my life I know that I’ve done my best, I’m hold on to the value I believe, I enjoy my life and have a great one, I have no regrets and I keep believing in God..

The Presence of Destiny

I went to Senci, a mall in the South Jakarta last Sunday and my friend told me that next week is a long weekend (there is a national holiday in Monday), several of my friends is planning to buy a ticket to come back to Surabaya, our hometown and asking what am I planning to do.. Suddenly I felt of going home.. I can’t think of a more perfect moment to surprise my parents than that.. Another reason why I want to go home is my grandma is sick and in Saturday one of my best friend in university is getting married, so I can come to her wedding too and it’s a long weekend so I can stay at home even longer..
The next day, I contacted my friend in Surabaya who worked in a travel agent and asking him whether he can get me a ticket to Surabaya.. After a few minutes or hours, he manage to get me a ticket to Surabaya at Thursday and back to Jakarta at Tuesday.. It’s the cheapest he can get me.. I didn’t even hesitate for a moment and say ok, even though I have to skip 8 hours class for that.. All I can think is a longer time in Surabaya, what else can I asked..
To speed up the story, its Thursday and I’m so thrill to go home.. I’m impatiently counting down how many hours its going to take before I finally reached home.. After my class is finish, I stayed in CCF, like I usually do, to read the newspaper and online for 30 minutes, just to kill time, and than having lunch.. During my lunch, its start raining hard.. Usually when its raining hard like that, it won’t last to long, but that day the rain took all day.. On my count, usually it takes an hours from CCF to my boarding house, and then I need at least 2 hours from my boarding house to the airport and I should be in the airport an hour before the plane took off.. My plane is scheduled to take off at 18.50.. So imagine how terrified I am, knowing that at 15.30 I’m still at CCF, the raining didn’t even get any slower and the fact that I haven’t pack at all and only have like 100.000 in my pocket!! Which mean I still need to go to the ATM machine before I go to the airport.. I already asked the security to get me a taxi since 14.00, but he couldn’t get any, he said with rain like this I usually have to wait a long times before I found one.. At 15.00 I asked the secretary in CCF to call the taxi company, to get a cab for me.. I’m getting even worried when it is so difficult to contact any taxi company and when we’re able to reach one, the taxi is available in one hour.. Yup you heard me right, the taxi is available at 16.00! I’m become even more frighten because according to my calculation, if I’ll get to that cab I’ll reach my boarding house at 17.00 (if somehow in that office hour and rain, there is no traffic jam), which mean I’m only have 1 hour or 1 and a half hour to reach airport, it just impossible to do, specially in that office hour and rain like that.. In that confusing condition, it turns out that the security was able to find a cab for me, it was already 15.30.. So I jumped right away to that taxi and keep worrying whether I’m going to make it or not..
When I’m in taxi, I remembered I haven’t cancel my order and I know neither the telephone number of CCF nor that secretary cell phone.. I text my friend and luckily she knew it and reply soon.. When I’m back at Jakarta and told her my story, she told me that at that moment she was going to sleep (she was already in bed) and she already silence her cell phone so she actually didn’t hear my sms but somehow she felt someone is text her, so she checked her cell phone and found my sms and reply it quickly.. After got the number I call CCF and asked the secretary to cancel my order..
After may be 15 minutes in the taxi, I can already see the effect of the raining, the traffic jam is so crowded that for the next 15 minutes the taxi didn’t even move.. From the beginning, I found the taxi driver is very thoughtful, I already spoke to him about my condition and he try his best to find a short cut to my boarding house, but the traffic jam is really serious.. So he gave me an idea to take an ojek (motor taxi), at first I’m hesitated because its still raining outside, but after a few minutes it became very clear to me that I won’t be able to reach my boarding house on time unless I take an ojek.. What happened next is shocking, the taxi driver go out from the taxi and search for an ojek for me, not only once or twice but four times until he finally found an ojek for me and don’t forget its still raining outside.. What even more stunning every time he left his taxi, he stop the rate from going up, so I didn’t have to pay him more.. After the first three times and didn’t found any ojek, he try to get my a bajaj but none would go that far to my boarding house specially in the rain and the traffic jam like that.. When he go out the fourth times, he finally found an ojek to me.. I checked the rate, and its written that I have to pay 24000 but I felt so grateful in him so I gave him 30000.. When I go out from his taxi, he even warn me to ask for the price first before take the ojek.. I rarely see a person like him who didn’t know me but gave such sacrifice.. Right now I’m thinking if he’s looking for a profit in me, he wouldn’t offer me to take an ojek, he will drive me to my boarding house himself, its going to take a long time, and at the end I’m going to have pay him a lot of money, at least much bigger then what I gave him that day.. Even if he wants to help me, he can just offer me to take the ojek and just leave me and then let me do the search alone, instead he’s the one that go out in the rain to search for an ojek for me, accompany me until he found an ojek, stop his rate every time he go out from his taxi and even warn me to ask for the price for the ojek in the beginning so I didn’t get cheated..
The ojek ask 20000 to take me to my boarding house, I agreed immediately.. I’m very lucky to find an ojek driver that know well the route to my boarding house.. He didn’t take the normal route instead he took the small route, the route is so small that if it isn’t an ojek, the other vehicle won’t be able to pass by.. When a bus normally took an hour to go to my boarding house, he only took 15 minutes.. I felt truly fortunate because if the bajaj agree to take me to my boarding house, it probably going to take longer time to reach my boarding house.. There is a lot of bajaj at that moment but all of them refuse the offer of the taxi driver.. While in the taxi I already ask my sister to pack for me and give a precise instruction on what I want to carry to Surabaya.. I reach my boarding house at 16.30, I took a quick shower and then run to the nearest ATM machine and look for the taxi.. Normally it takes nearly an hour to get a taxi near my boarding house.. The last time I went home to Surabaya, it took 45 minutes just to get a taxi, the same things happens for my sister.. But somehow I can get the taxi so quickly even my sister surprise on how fast I can get the taxi.. From the very beginning I already told the taxi driver that I’m in hurry and asking him to drive faster which he did.. Another lucky thing is somehow that day the traffic jam didn’t as severe as it used to be.. It took only one and a half hour to get to the airport (which normally going to take 2 hours) and I reach airport at 18.10, just in time for check in..
While in CCF in prayed to God so there will be a delay on my flight.. People say be careful on what you’re hoping for, it might come true.. And it did, the flight delayed for like 30 minutes but I’m too relieved, I can get to the airport in time, I didn’t complain at all.. I can finally going home..
There is so many lesson I can learn that day.. The first is the kindness of many people showed me that day, the security and secretary in CCF, my friend who reply my sms, the taxi drivers, the ojek driver and my sister.. Each of them played their own role and without them, it just seems impossible to get to the airport in time.. I didn’t surprised if people that we knew well show us their compassion but in that day, many people that I didn’t know before, like the security in CCF, the taxi drivers, and the ojek driver give their best to help me and I’m truly indebted to them.. The second is never quit trying and believing.. Although I’m really panic that day, I didn’t give hope or quit trying to go home.. I’ll try my best to find a way to took me to the airport, even when it means running looking for a cab or take an ojek, both in the middle of raining.. Lastly, I can’t help notice how many ‘coincidence’ happened that day.. I’m one of the people who didn’t believe in coincidence, what I believe is God’s will.. I always try to be independent and doing things on my own with my own way but that that day I learned to lean more in God because I won’t be able to go to the airport in time if He didn’t send the right person to help me that day.. I realized how weak and useless I am if I count on myself that day and didn’t get any help from anybody.. I can truly felt the presence of destiny somehow guiding me to get to next right step so I can get to the airport in time and safely.. As the plane start to took off and heading to Surabaya, I was thinking maybe God used the rain to teach me to lean more to Him, that no matter what happened I can count on Him, and I realize what no matter what plan I had for the future can fall that easily if God turning his back on me..

Between Doubt and Taking Risk

In the past several weeks, I’ve been doubt a lot regarding my continuity of my education.. Going to French to take my master degree have been my dreams for years, but now when I’m only a few step ahead to achieve it, I hesitate.. Partly because I don’t know what subject I want to take in French.. When I search on the subject that compatible with my previous education, which is law, it had like 1600 subject that I can choose for my master degree and I had to study it one by one in order to get the most compatible subject with my keenness and capability.. Other part is I don’t know whether law is the subject I want to work in.. Some people has said to me that they have doubts that law is my strongest competence and not sure if it’s my talent.. So all of this had been very overwhelming for me and make me confuse in deciding the next step for me..
Right now I’m still considering whether law is my talent or not.. What even more confusing for me is if law really not my talent then what is? Not mentioning that it means I’ve been throwing away 4 years in my life studying something that I don’t like and not contributing anything in my life.. I mean am I able to throw away that 4 years education just like that? And what should I do for the next?
My father’s friend say that I need to make a life scheme, something that I want to achieve in the future and how am I going to make it happened.. She said she knew from the beginning that law is not my subject but I need to figured it myself what is the right subject for me.. Not she nor any other person can tell me because the passion come from inside of me.. When I thought what see said to me, I realize that I have no life scheme, I have no desire, I have no ambition, I don’t what I want to do with my life tomorrow or even today.. I just living day to day, not living at my best because how can I live not knowing where my life ahead for..
I just finished reading the book by Paulo Coelho, By The River Peidra I Sat Down and Wept, a lot of things can be learned from this book but the one of things that I want to put in my blog this time, is about taking risk.. We must taking risk, we only can understand the miracle of life wholly if we accepted the unexpected to happened.. Happiness is sometimes is a gift but most of the time is a conquest.. A conquest to seek our dreams.. True, we’ll be suffering, we’ll confront a lot of difficulty, and we’ll deal with a lot of disappointment, but its only temporary and won’t left an eternal scratch.. And one day if we look back, we can see the route of our journey with pride and confidence .. For the people who not dare to take risk, he may not felt disappointed in his life, he may not be suffer as much as the person who seek their dream.. But when he look back in their life-and at some point of his life, every human being must look back-he’ll hear his heart saying, “What have you done with all the miracles God given in your life? You buried yourself for fearing losing those gives. So this is what you’re going to get: you have wasted your life.”
One of the things in know for sure in my life is I don’t like taking risk, but I also know how can we have paramount life if we don’t take risk in life.. I know this is one of the thing I need to deal and overcome.. Other things is I believe that we, human, are God’s creature, so there must be a purpose why God create us.. Each of us has a mission that God intended for us.. Figuring what I want to do for the rest of my life has a link with knowing what is God expect me to be.. So I think the first step I needed to do is pray and asking God what kind of person He intended me to become..