22 years old: A Confession of Man (wrote in 1 Sept 2008)

yupz.. today i finally reach 22 years old huhuhuhu.. people often says when a man reach 21 years old, he’s already a man.. i always joke with my friend saying dat 21 years old is the last years of being boys, that mean 22 is the actual years for a man to be called a man he5.. dunno if anyone believe dat he5.. but i try 2 believe dat coz i want 2 expand my youth time.. maybe bcoz i hate leaving my time as a boy.. i hv a lot of fun n minimum resposibility.. my parents still support me n when anyone pointing out 2 me, i can always say: ‘i’m still a boy, what can u expect from me?’ he5.. yup its my way to escape adult responsibility..
but now i’m 22 years old.. that mean no way out again.. i’m a man right now.. rite now, juz a few minute before my birthday, it makes me think what have i accomplish so far as a boy for my preparation 2 become a man.. hm guess the answer is i didn’t really prepared for anything.. i’m very lazy during my time in university, thus my GPA point wasn’t as high as it should been (didn’t try being cocky but i know my capability so i wasn’t satisfied enough).. like i said before i have a lot fun there so i guess i play around 2 much.. but no blame on that, its my responsibility.. i make the choice of play instead attend the classes (yup i skip a lot of classes for capsa).. i wasn’t really active in organization as i should have been, i mean i have a lot of free time and i didn’t used it for activities that may going to pay me back in the future.. i didn’t do any intern or even side jobs.. i lost a lot of my good time where i actually have the most chance or time to be active in building my future.. yup its my biggest regret rite now..
Twice in my participation in Jessup, i see a lot of successful person at my age (some of them is even younger).. it surprise me how they can manage to get that much in a such young age.. well i guess their hard work paid off.. rite now i’m in jkt n during my french lesson i met several amazing person.. person that have determination n goal at a such young age (one of them juzt recently graduated from high school!!) and they have accomplish a lot.. I didn’t need to tell you what kind of success they achieved, it juz that for me they have been really2 success n i’m not.. honestly it suck knowing that there are many person outside who accomplished much more than you.. i makes me think what kind of life that i have.. but i know its my fault, i’m the party to blame.. i’m d one who makes the choice not to try that hard..
Jkt really is an eye opening moment for me.. during the Jessup competition n rite know i have the chance to meet a lot of amazing persons.. i never thought there is that many person that so successful.. Ok that’s a lie ha5.. Being an Oprah’s fans, i have always known that many people has pushed themselves so far that it juzt surprised u what a man is capable to..
dunno why but during birthday i always picturing myself that one dayi’m going 2 die n God asked me what did i do in my life? so far ididn’t have the answer yet n it frightens me.. it seems that i havenothing to be proud of about myself.. so now its my birthday n i always hate birthday (except may be when i still a child).. a part of is because i’m getting older, damn! the other it makes u realize that the time is clicking.. sooner or later u have to become what destiny destined u to be (what a phrase ha5).. n if u get lazy on your life rite now, destiny will be harsh on u and vice versa..
hm so what should i do know? may be i need to try being harsh on myself.. i need to stop playing around when i have a prior commitment to attend.. that doesn’t mean i can’t a rest (i mean what kind of life without fun rite? he5), juzt maybe i need a better coordination on my priority..the most important i guess i need to stop looking at people’s success story and compared it with my life’s strory.. i guess its important for me to realize that other people shoes may not be fit on my feet.. they have their own story, that’s great, but maybe i should making my own story.. beside God makes each of us different rite? every person have their own standard of success n maybe the thing that i defined success n i see it in those person may not be a success at all for them yet..other thing, i really need to stop seeing age to defined success.. i remember in chicken soup(i forgot in what series), that the editors making the list of numerous people that success in the age that the world may not see it as a productive age.. i forget the name in that list but one that i remembered is Nelson Mandela.. When he elected for being the President of South Africa, he was 76 years old.. i’m 22 years old now.. yup happy b’day 4 me he5.. its my time 2 see the world from a man eyes.. so scary yet at the same time exciting..